What|is|the toughest question you haveaskedsomeone today? Maybe it was work related,"Do you have the P.Ofor me?"or maybe it was personal, "Can Iborrow some money?" For me, it was asking my81-year olddad,"Hey. Do you think it's time to maybe give up your car?" Yesterday, it was the same question.  

You see, my dad has Dementiaandover the last several months it has gotten progressively worse.As a result, my sister and I are having to ask somevery hard questions and make some verydifficult decisions. Added to the situation is that while mysister is local,I am2,500 miles away. Needless to say, it makes it a challenge to justdrop on over andhelphim find hismobile phone or figure out why his Wi-Fi isn't working. 

 Everyone's case with Dementiaisdifferentas it is not just one thing-although memory loss is certainly the most common symptom.If you ask mydadaboutthe 1972 Boston Bruins Stanley Cup win, he can name every player, score, and detail. However, if you ask him what he had for breakfast an hour ago, he has no idea.  

My dad is the nicest, most caring, helpful person I have ever known, and he and my mom did a great job of raising us. Now, I can only hope to repayall they did for us in their time of need.

While dealing with this is personal, itaffectsevery aspect ofmy day. I am luckyto work for a companylike Ciscothat allows me a tremendous amount of flexibility.From co-workers that understand alast-minuteshift in my schedule to my manager's support, this allhelps to make my day a little easier. My manager even helped mewith resourcesI didn't even know that I had! 

Did you know about theEmployee Assistance Program? I didn't. Mymanager informed me of the program and benefits thatcouldhelp my family out and it's been a tremendous support! 

As much as Cisco has helpedmy family andme, I've learned quite a bit on my own, too. Like I don't correct mydad when he repeats himself, as that only frustrates him. I just go with the flow -a little bit of patience goes a long way in making everyone happier.  

Here are a few other things I have learned in this journey.  

1. Know Your Resources:Dealing with this is hard -there is no way around it.Don't take it all on yourself. I have been amazed at the number of people willing to help mydad. Equally importanthas beenthe number of people that reached out to make sure I wasokay. 

I am so thankful that Cisco had my back during this timewith Cisco'sEmployee Assistance Program and TheCaregiving Concierge. This, along with other benefits we have, helped me learn how to care for a family memberwith memory loss. I was able to research symptoms and even how to find transportation and in-home assistance for my dad, which helped me maintain arelatively normal life and was cathartic for me to easilyget this help for him. 

2.Ask the Tough Questions: This has become a regular occurrencefor us. Asking your parents if they have a will, or plansshould they need assistance,or what their final wishesare awful to think about -but they are necessary. We are lucky that mymom has taken care of all of this and provided us the information we need, but we have found ourselves having to asksome ofthese questions of my Dad. Itis stressful, and it is something I think is important to start doingas early as possible.There are many great articles out there.Spend a little time reading some before you have "the talk".  It really makes things easier.

3. Knowthe Depth ofYour Resources:This goes beyond just Google and home health care or visiting nurses.Living so far away from my family,it's important for meto know there are others to help my dad.

We were able to identify the friends and family thatcould help himwith things like a ride to the store or replacing a light bulb and found great resources in the town where he lives. Ride programs thathelp patients get to and from the doctor's office are great -and the local college offered an elderly assistance program! A student comes just to help with my dad's two cats. 

As my dad refuses to use a smartphone -we put a list of contacts by his phone and explained what each contact could do to help him, as well as utilized a wall calendar so he knows what is going on each day. These 'small' things help me to feel a little less stressed knowing we havethis support. 

4.Take Time for Yourself.Watching a loved one deteriorate takes a mental toll on everyone. Believe me, I have had plenty of guilt over having to rely on other peopleand being far away. It can become all-consuming. Find the balance. Play music-and play it loudly. Go for a drive. Go to the gym. Do something for you so that you can continue to be in the right frame of mind to provide the best support that you can for those you love.

These times are difficult, but thanks to my network of family, friends and co-workers -along with the support Cisco provides for employees -I know we are doing the best we can for my dad. 

Join our teams.Apply now. 

To learn more check out theAlzheimer's Association | Eldercare Resources | Caring for Aging Parents | Cisco's Adult CaregiversNetwork

Subscribe to the We Are Cisco Blog